Chicks Before Dicks
by Haley'sCircus
Summary: Kurt gets more than he bargained for when he crossdresses in public for the first time. Set before season one.
1. Chapter 1

To say that Kurt was scared was an understatement. He was fucking terrified. He was in public in a dress. Again, he was in public, IN A DRESS.

It had all started when he went looking for some old boots in the attic. He had just gotten some new designer jeans and he was certain that his black studded leather boots were still in storage somewhere. It would be the perfect outfit to start sophomore year. Oh yes, heads would most certainly turn. He was sitting in the musky attic, rummaging through cardboard boxes when he had come across the box of his mom's old clothes. When he realized what it was, he'd completely forgotten about the boots and grabbed the box. He lugged it down the ladder and sat down in the dead center of the hallway to look through it. The first thing he pulled out was a turquoise blouse that was decorated with intricate beading. After marveling at it for a moment, he delicately set it aside and stuck his hand in again. He pulled out a bra and almost squeaked in surprise, dropping it quickly. On further inspection, Kurt realized it was one of his mom's old padded bras that she had worn after losing her breasts to cancer. It was a B-cup, plain, and it made Kurt a little uncomfortable to look at. He decided to move on. He pulled out a sun dress: white with a zip up bodice top and spaghetti straps. It was obvious that this was something from his mother's younger years that Burt had kept around for sentimental value. It was beautiful in Kurt's opinion. He had a thick, dark brown knitted waist belt that he'd bought on a whim that would look perfect with this.

Kurt stopped. What was he saying? Why would he even consider wearing something so…girly? It was a girl's dress. He was a boy. Sure he had blurred the lines a bit when it came to fashion before, but this was obviously a leap over the gender line. He set it aside. He pulled out some jeans that were pretty similar to his own pairs. A pair of white flats that had cute little bows at the top were at the bottom of the box and he set them beside the sun dress. Finally, he pulled out one of his mother's old wigs. It was long and curly, the same shade as his own short locks and it shone like real hair. Kurt could distinctly remember sitting on the bed while his mom sat at her vanity, grooming the wig to utmost perfection. Even without her faux-mane, she had always been stunning.

Kurt placed the wig on the floor and sighed, staring at his treasure. He knew that this wasn't right. He knew that the sight of women's clothing shouldn't spark any curiosity in him whatsoever, but he couldn't resist looking over the clothes again. It was odd. They were so beautiful and he actually felt himself getting a little excited about something other than moisturizer and Fashion Week.

Kurt stood up, leaving the clothes in the middle of the hallway. He hurried down the stairs into the living room and glanced out the window to make sure that the driveway was still empty before returning to the hallway. As he stared at the stuff, a devil and an angel appeared on each shoulder.

_Don't do it, Kurt. You are a boy. Dresses are for girls. It isn't right._

_Who cares? Gender is a choice, not a life sentence. You wanna wear the dress? Wear the dress._

_God made Adam and Eve not Adam and St-_

"I know." Kurt sighed, interrupting his own internal conflict. If he got caught, he didn't even want to think about what would happen. He'd get the crap kicked out of him. Everybody would know and he'd be publicly humiliated, and then his dad would know. His dad, who didn't even know he was gay. Wouldn't that be the way to come out. On the other hand, if he didn't get it out of his system now, it would nag at him and maybe even manifest itself into something bigger. Yes, it would be safer to do it during the summer before school started. Get it over with quick and easy.

Right smack in the middle of the hallway, Kurt dropped his jeans and ran a hand down his bare legs, glad that he had decided to shave them the night before. He wasn't one for body hair, preferring to keep his body clean shaven and smooth just in case a magic fairy ever decided to grant his wish of having a jock in his bed. Kurt tugged off his shirt and then kicked off his shoes and socks so that he was naked other than his boxers. The boy carefully picked up the dress and unzipped the front before awkwardly pulling it over his head. It slit on easily to his petite frame and hugged his flat stomach. However, where breasts should have filled up the bodice, there was emptiness that made the dress cave in and push forward uncomfortably. He eyed the padded bra lying on the floor and hesitated before slipping the straps off of his shoulders. The bra was then wrapped around his diaphragm. Eventually, trying to hook it from behind became too difficult and frustrating so Kurt turned it around and hooked it from the front. It was twisted. He tried again. It was backwards. Third time's the charm. Finally he managed to hook it properly and spin it around. He slipped the straps up onto his shoulders and made a face at the odd sensation of having boobs. Was this how amputees with fake legs and hands felt like? Probably not. He pulled the dress back up, satisfied to see that the bodice fit much better with his new breasts. Curiously, he walked into the bathroom and stared at himself in the full length mirror. The hem of his boxers peeked out from the bottom of the dress, which fell a few inches above his knees, so he removed those as well. Oddly enough, he actually liked what he saw. Feeling a boost of inspiration coming on, he stepped out of the bathroom and peered at the wig curiously. He had plenty of makeup in his room…

Before he knew it he was sitting on the lid of the toilet, meticulously applying eyeliner to his lids. He had gone with a subtle light brown, knowing that black would be too harsh for the sweet white dress he was wearing. He had a neutral colored eye shadow on and he'd allowed foundation and powder as well, not that he really needed it. Finally, he applied some mascara and a clear coating of lip gloss. He stood back to admire his handy work and smiled at himself, even going as far as to blow a kiss at his reflection. Gotta love narcissism. The long wig had been attached to his head so securely that even a Black Friday clothing grab couldn't make it come off. He had carefully selected a white bow clip from his hope chest, something that he had found at a garage sale in a big basket of hair accessories, and had seen as future fashion potential. It now was snugly locked in his wig, commenting the bows on the white flats that had miraculously managed to fit. For once, he was thankful for his petite figure. He stepped back and took a moment to marvel at himself in the mirror. He looked beautiful. Gender twist Pinocchio. _He was a real girl. _

_I dare you to go out in public like that._

"What?" Kurt murmured to himself. It wasn't a matter of being able to, but was he willing? A shiver went through his body and he quickly did some mental math. His dad wouldn't be home until eight or nine. He could go get lunch at Breadstix and maybe stop at the mall and be back in time to take all of this stuff off, hide it, and start dinner. He looked into the mirror again. Nobody would recognize him. He hardly recognized himself. He repeated that in his head as he walked into his bedroom and hid the rest of the box's contents in the back of his closet. He repeated that to himself as he selected a handbag from his closet and filled it with all of his stuff. He repeated that to himself as he got in his Navigator and pulled out of the driveway, heading over to Breadstix.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt stared at himself in mirror for at least ten minutes as he built up the courage to leave the car. He was sitting in the front of Breadstix, only thirty feet or so from the door. Every time he tried to force himself out of the car and inside, new situations popped into his head. What if his dad decided to take a lunch break and was in the mood for Italian? What if one of their neighbors was in there? What if a family member of one of his dad's employees was working there and recognized him? The situations got more and more ridiculous until he was practically panicking. He took a deep breath to silence the voices screaming in his head and smoothed out the wig one last time. It was like jumping into a pool. Once the initial shock was over, everything would go swimmingly. All he had to do was brave up. He lifted a hand and slowly grabbed onto the handle of the car door. He inhaled, his chest pressing against the padded bra. One…nothing to be afraid of…two…nobody would recognize him…three. Kurt opened the door and stepped out, blinking slightly in the bright sunlight. He smoothed out his skirt and pushed his sunglasses onto his face, just as a precaution. Shoulders back, chin up, and walk.

Everything went smoothly, but Kurt's heart kept pounding as if he was being shot in the chest over and over. His intestines were more tangled than a pile of jewelry but he willed himself to keep walking forward. He through the entrance and practiced his breathing while he waited for the hostess. He could do this. Nobody here knew who he was and they never would. He was just another plain old getting lunch at a plain old restaurant.

"Do you need a table?"

Kurt didn't notice her presence at first and let out a startled noise before nodded shyly. He willed himself to keep his anxious fidgeting to a minimum. He wiped his sweaty hands on the skirt of his dress. For some reason, his breasts felt much, much more fake than they had looked in the mirror and he couldn't help but feeling that everyone was staring at his suddenly obvious wig.

The hostess smiled at him. "Just one?"

Kurt looked up at her and nodded nervously. He obediently followed the woman over to a booth like a child following an adult to the bathroom. He realized that his sunglasses were still on his face and blushed in embarrassment. Could he have looked any dumber? The glasses were quickly removed and stuffed into his bag as he was led to a booth several feet away from a big "family reunion" sized table. The woman left him a menu and took his drink order, "An iced tea, please and would you mind putting the lemon on the rim? Thank you" before leaving him to look over the meal options. So far so good. He opened up the menu and began to look through, not that it was really necessary. He'd been here a million times. God knew that he had that thing memorized by now. The place was surprisingly empty for a Friday, not that he was complaining. There were several elderly couples and a few strangers who had stopped by for lunch hour. He could handle that. The waitress returned with his tea and without even skipping a beat, he ordered a Caesar salad with no onions, no cucumbers, dressing on the side. She took the menu and smiled politely before leaving. Kurt relaxed in his seat for the first time since he'd stepped outside of his house, no, his bathroom. Maybe he was going to get away with this whole façade after all.

"Right this way." He heard the hostess say amongst the peaceful background noise. Kurt paid her no mind, enjoying the freedom of his skirt and the thrill of his masquerade.

"Can you believe the drills that Tanaka made us do today?"

"Wonder what's up his ass."

Kurt's eyes snapped open and violins screeched urgently in his head as he slowly turned to find the large table packed with the McKinley High football team. Oh God, no. Please, please no. Why was this happening to him? Despite being inside, Kurt hurriedly fished through his bag for his sunglasses and shoved them onto his face while he quietly panicked internally. He couldn't leave yet his food wasn't even ready yet. But if he asked for it to go and tried to leave, they would definitely notice him and he didn't even want to fathom what would happen to him if he was recognized. Puckerman would get the honors of kicking his ass first and then he supposed he would be passed around like a lollipop on a playground. Everyone would get their licks in. Maybe he could escape to the bathroom until his food came. Yes, that's exactly what he would do. Hide out in there for ten minutes or so, come back and hope that the jocks would be involved with their own lunches by then. He could eat a third of his salad and have the rest to go. Then he could head home, put the clothes away and pretend that none of this had ever happened. Ever.

Kurt gave it ten minutes, almost constantly checking his phone. He entertained himself through games of Temple Run and Sudoku. Finally, he cautiously emerged from the restroom and scooted back to his seat. His salad came shortly after he returned and he kept his head bowed as he ate. His ears, however, remained perked and alert, hungrily sucking in the sounds of hot and dangerous football jocks. It mostly sounded like feeding time at the zoo, but every once in a while, a bit of conversation reached him, usually about some Cheerio's boobs or something else just as gross. As he had promised himself, he only ate a third of his salad and quickly summoned a waitress over to the table. She disappeared and returned in a matter of minutes with a plastic container. Kurt wasted no time transferring the food and paying the check, giving the girl a slightly larger tip than he usually did for her swiftness. He was almost there, home free as he stood and grabbed his bag, making sure everything looked in order before taking slightly shaky baby steps towards the door.

"Hey!"

Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt whirled around and swallowed a terrified shriek when he came face to face with the Noah Puckerman. He knew. That's why he called to him. Now he and his friends were going to drag him to the back of the building and kick his ass until he was no longer moving and then they would leave him there to bleed out on the cement until he either died or somebody found him and if he did survive, there was no wondering as to what would happen to his already shitty reputation. He was going to be the faggot cross-dressing sissy boy for the rest of his life. What was he thinking? Was there a chemical leak in his house? Because he definitely was not thinking straight when he had decided to actually leave the house in this get up. No, it wasn't a burst of insanity or anything like that; it was a burst of idiocy. How stupid did he have to be to go to Breadstix of all places? The one restaurant in all of Lima that was the official fucking hangout of freaking everybody at McKinley! He was a complete and utter dumbass.

"Hey?"

Kurt's panicked thoughts screeched to a complete halt for a moment. Violins screeched in his mind as he slowly lifted his head to meet Puck's eyes and crossed his arms over his chest to hide his shaking hands. "Y-yes?" He rasped as girl-like as he could manage.

"My friends and I…we saw you sittin' there by yourself….thought you might like some company." Puck shrugged, a confident smirk slipping onto his face.

Kurt stared at him in silence, trying to comprehend what Puck had just said to him. Football team…want…him? He felt like he'd just forgotten how to speak English because that was definitely not what Puckerman had just asked of him. Was it?

"Hello? Still there?" Puck asked and Kurt was once more yanked from his thoughts. He clumsily fiddled with his bag and shook his head quickly.

"N-no, I can't." He squeaked. He stared down at the floor, terrified that Puck might recognize his baby face any second. It was pretty unforgettable.

"Oh, come on. What else do you have to do today? Big shopping emergency?" Puck grinned knowingly.

Kurt, slightly taken back by the cockiness of Puck's tone lifted his head once more. "Of course not." He replied. "Though I do have some socks that need to be folded." He bit back.

Puck inhaled through his teeth and pressed a palm to his chest. "Ouch, you got me, beautiful."

Beautiful? Puck thought he was pretty? Did that mean all of the other guys did too? Even…Finn? If Puck, who was fairly sharp when it came to girls, didn't recognize him, then there was no way that Finn would. He loved the boy to pieces, but everyone knew that he wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. As for the rest of them…they just followed Puck, right?

"Hey, stop dazing out on me." Puck said, snapping his fingers.

"Oh…um…." Kurt drifted. He had to stay confident in this. One false move or little stutter might give away his whole masquerade. He forced his lips into a sly smile and lowered his eye lids a bit. "I was just thinking about all of the stuff I have to do today. I do have somewhere to go tonight."

"Yea? A hot date? Is he hotter than me?" Puck asked.

Kurt shrugged and glanced around. "He might be."

"Where's he taking you? Movies? Lame. Wouldn't you rather come party with us?" The boy asked, giving Kurt a toothy grin.

"I don't know…" He shrugged.

"You'll have the time of your life. I promise." Puck said, taking his left hand and giving it a kiss before staring into his eyes. A shiver passed through Kurt and he immediately felt his face heating up. As much of an asshole he was, Noah definitely knew how to sweet talk a girl.

"Oh…okay." Kurt nodded, only half thinking about what he was actually getting himself into. Puck took his hand and led him back to the table, where it really began to sink in.

"Whoa, your hands are really soft." Puck was commenting, and all Kurt could do was nod like an idiot because he couldn't believe that he was actually walking towards a collective group of all his worst tormentors since the seventh grade. When they reached the table, Kurt felt his entire body jerk slightly, resisting the fight or flight instinct that would have him fleeing for the parking lot.

"What's your name again?" Puck was asking him now and Kurt froze. Name? What's a name? All eyes were on him and he could feel the room heating up like an oven as seconds ticked into days. His mind went through every female Broadway character he could. Elphaba? No, Glinda? That's no better. Christine? Nope. Oh God, they were waiting. Think, think… Les Miserables?

"Cosette." He said quickly. "My name's Cosette."

"Weird name, but cute." Puck grinned before turning and introducing him to the rest of the table. The others nodded to him, eyeing his figure, his chest, his legs, and quickly took the seat that Puck presented to him.

"How old are you?" Finn asked him. "I don't think I've ever seen you around school."

"I um, I'm new. I just turned sixteen." He mumbled shyly.

"Well we can fix that." Puck cut in, throwing his arm around Kurt's stiffening shoulders. "We're throwing a little party tonight and we'll help you get to know everyone."

There was a murmur of agreement from the rest of the team and Kurt was surprised to find that they were checking him out just as Puck had. He shifted a little uncomfortably as he was sandwiched between Puck and a second football player that he recognized as one of those that had thrown pee balloons at him.

"You know, I should really get going." Kurt mumbled.

"Aw, come on, you just got here." Puck protested. "Just hang out with us for the day. We'll show you around Lima."

"Hey yea!" Finn spoke up. "We could be like your tour guides or something." A goofy but enthusiastic smile grew on his face and Kurt's heart immediately melted.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to know my way around." He blushed, returning Finn's smile.

"Great! We'll hit the mall first. Chicks dig that place a lot." Puck added.


End file.
